Meet our Miss Charlotte Ann
On December 1st we welcomed this sweet baby girl into the world,
Did I say sweet, I mean heavily opinionated! This babe came out screaming, and I do mean screaming, she was 8 lbs 13 ounces of squishy loveliness! Since this sweet pea was taking her time getting here I went in for an induction, things seemed to be going, slowly, but going, 23 hours later, I was left with a tough decision, I could keep laboring for a few more hours & push for up to 5 hours, or I could go in for a c-section. After lots of tears, lots. I decided to opt for a c-section. Boy, was I glad I did, this sweet bundle was stuck, there was no way she was going to make it out. After my sweet doctor, seriously, having a great OB makes a world of difference, we are so thankful for her, got me all fixed up & out of the operating room, I got to hold my girl. In my drugged state, I think I just kept saying, is she okay? Is she healthy? Like everything is fine? Oh it was, and ever since this tiny almost 9 lbs has changed my world.
Since delivery went a little differently than I expected, I think so did the rest of my recovery was a little rough, mostly emotionally, postpartum blues are all too REAL. I remember standing in the shower, keep in mind barely getting myself there, just sobbing, like not being able to control myself, I couldn't shut-it-off-sobbing. The rawness of all the emotions I felt just HIT me, like a brick wall. I just had this baby and I kept thinking HOW am I ever suppose to take care of her, nurse her, when I cant even get myself out of this hospital bed? But we made it, so thankful for a husband who was able to take off 2 weeks to be at home with us. Charlie girl was born with a bump on her head which resulted in jaundice, so at home nurses came & she wore a blue light with a vacuum thing attached to it for a few days until her levels went down, we tracked every wet diaper, when she nursed, if we fed her a bottle with breast milk, ect., we were so glad when that was over & she resumed a normal color again.
Than around the 2 week mark she would cry NON-stop, like uncontrollable crying, mixed with screaming for 20 out of the 24 hours a day, well except for when she nursed, than 10 minutes after just cry for hourrrsss. I would wait for my husband to get home just so I could stand in the shower & sob, not knowing what I was doing, I second guessed myself, because every new mom feeling in me doubted myself, I questioned everything... Am I nursing too long, is she getting enough, is she tired, is she colic? I mean I just ran through everything in my head a million times. So I packed her up in her car seat, in the middle of a blizzard, & headed to the pediatricians office. We found out after a few days that she was dairy & soy intolerant. Things got better, a lot better, but at night she would still scream for HOURS. So back I went... this time I went for this noisy & high-pitched breathing she had & the screaming at night. So it was stridors & reflux. We were referred to an ENT which diagnosed her with laryngomalacia. Sounds scary... but you should hear her breathing sometimes, its even scarier.... but finally I had this baby who was finally feeling better, smiling at us, and being happy when she was awake. Finally at week 6, it took me this long, I regained my sanity, I could control my feelings, I felt like myself, well I'll get to that in a second... and almost 8 weeks later we have a happy baby, who loves her dad, being swaddled, bathtime, car rides, and playing.
Here's what I can sum motherhood up to. It's scary, it's raw, it's overwhelming, it's self-doubting, it's hard, but it's also joyful, it's happy, it's new, it's overwhelming love, it's nothing like I've felt before. There are days that all I do is rock my baby, fed her, love her, play with her, and nothing gets done. I felt like on days like this I was a failure, the world outside passed me by & all I did was sit here and take care of my baby, but trust me, it's in these moments that I realized.. it's about the snuggles, its about her needing me, because one day I'll be driving her to college and missing the time I got to rock her in her room & stare out the window watch the snow fall. She is our everything, she turned our world completely upside down but looking back we wouldn't have changed it for the world, even with the weeks of the uncontrollable conflicted emotions, mixed with weeks of uncontrollable screaming, she is worth it.
There are good days, there are rough days but when she discovers something new in her world we completely fall in love all over again.
Today I am thankful for the divine gift of motherhood. It wasn't easy in the beginning, in fact there were days I was terrified of being alone with her, when she cried I cried, but that's in the past, and oh my, we LOVE her.
We love her....square mouth, her strong-willed personality, & most of all her happy baby coo's & smiles.
The many faces of our Charlotte Ann, all the short span of 4 minutes!